He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
