yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
