I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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