Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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