Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
