I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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