I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
