When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
