hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I would fuck him just for his dog
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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