Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
