I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize