the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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