you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
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She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
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Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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