i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
