i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
