HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
