what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
