NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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