I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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