Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
