TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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