She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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