remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
do herpes really smell.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
