; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
whose parrot is this?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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