Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
