HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
