I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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