no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
