I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
