the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
