the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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