these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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