She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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