yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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