Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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