You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
