Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize