you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
