I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
