It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
