now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
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I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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