my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
