my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Randomize
