I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
cat food counts as protein by the way
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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