you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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