Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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