can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My hand turned me down
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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