The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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