Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
the liver wants what the liver wants
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
