She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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