I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
