I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
