i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
