My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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