I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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