I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
