I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize