She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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