watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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